When first introduced to Healing While Black, it was thanks to the founder of AHUS who knew that I had a keen interest and passion for mental health. What struck me the most about Healing While Black (HWB) was that it was lead and curated by a male of color in the queer community - a voice we don’t often hear from. I had the pleasure of connecting with the founder of HWB, Josh Odam, an online space devoted to normalizing conversations around mental health for Black and Brown queer, trans*, and gender non-conforming people. Currently, he is a first-year student, pursuing a Master’s of Social Work (MSW). His goal is to provide comprehensive and anticolonial therapeutic intervention for marginalized communities in New York State. Read below as I had the opportunity to connect and dissect with Mr. Odam.

How did you start Healing While Black, and how important is the mental health space to you?

Well, first let me say that I love your work and the work AHUS is doing. Y’all are doing the people’s work and it shows. I’m just happy to be in conversation and community with you.

So, Healing While Black officially started back in 2016 under the name, Free Negro University. I was a part of this organization called the Institute for Responsible Citizenship, a two-year summer intensive for collegiate Black men. I met some of my closest friends during those years and we still keep in contact today. We were working on Capitol Hill, different nonprofits, but those summers were rough. During our first summer, Sandra Bland was killed, the Charleston church shooting occurred and 45 kicked off his presidential campaign.

In our second summer, the Pulse Nightclub shooting, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, Korryn Gaines...needless to say it was a really difficult time.

In July of 2016, the D.C. chapters of Black Lives Matter and the Black Youth Project held a Black Joy Festival in Malcolm X Park. That was the kind of loving, supportive BLACK AFFFF environment we all needed to heal. Black kids were playing hopscotch and double dutch without a care in the world. I took a picture with my boys and captioned it “Free Negro University Class of 2099.” I don’t know where it came from, I just knew this is how it would feel when we’re free.

I returned to UMass for my senior year and was not in a good headspace at all. It really felt like all my momentum came to a screeching halt. Everything was just falling apart around me - I made it to the final round for a national scholarship and didn’t get it, had no money, I was severely depressed, and just stopped going to class. I was really using Free Negro University as a means to get out of bed in the morning. I graduated, but was floundering for a year with no real direction or purpose - for. I realized my mental health was deteriorating.

In April, my page was randomly deactivated. I took this opportunity to rebrand myself and my business. I officially changed the name to @HealingWhileBlack and decided to focus on mental health for Black and Brown queer and trans* folk. It was also around this time I decided to apply for a MSW. It was very apparent the need for comprehensive and affordable mental healthcare for marginalized communities. I know for certain my mental health is inextricably linked to the antiblackness and queerantagonism I receive on the daily (I’m queer btdubs) and there is a need for mental health professionals to affirm and treat that.

So, that’s really the long and the short of it. I’m finishing my first semester of my program, I’ve been certified in youth and adult Mental Health First Aid and I’m excited to move into my future as a Blaqueer LICSW

You and I have had our own sidebar conversation and you already know how much I respect and am inspired by your work, especially as a queer Black male. A few months ago in September, Gucci sparked controversy like a wildfire when they sent models down the runway in straightjacket-inspired looks for Milan Fashion Week, but there was one model in particular Ayesha Tan-Jones, who took it upon herself to call out Gucci by writing "MENTAL HEALTH IS NOT FASHION" on her hands. What would you have to say to brands that transform mental health disorders and illnesses into a product for fashion and beauty purposes?

This is actually my first time of hearing about it, but it doesn’t surprise me Gucci would do something that awful. It doesn’t shock me in the slightest. I 1000% support what Ayesha did especially given the history of institutionalizing and incarcerating people who have psychological and psychiatric disorders.

They don’t know the history of anti-blackness in the psychological field i.e. Samuel Cartwright diagnosing enslaved Black people as insane when they tried to escape bondage.

So, I don’t fault her at all. I think Gucci has proven itself to be incredibly ignorant time and time again. I am appreciative that we are having conversations about anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges people face because these conversations should be normalized. But if someone is using mental health to boost their clout, revenue, or platform, it’s tacky, it’s disingenuous, and it really does a disservice to people who are struggling.

As the lead writer of AHUS and a pretty decorated journalist, blogger, interviewer, etc. at this stage in the game, I'd like to say that positive representation of people of color means a lot to me - especially in conversations of mental health. We've seen Duchess Meghan Markle and singer Summer Walker speak on their anxiety when it comes to public speaking to Taraji P. Henson launching her own foundation to raise awareness around suicide prevention. In your eyes, how do you feel as though celebrities and influencers are using their platforms - negatively or positively - to spread awareness around mental health?

Again, I feel like there are so many benefits to having these conversations normalized by people with large platforms. I commend people who are bravely sharing their stories - as we both know, it’s not easy at all and you open yourself up to scrutiny and judgment.

But, through these stories being shared, I believe we’ll see an increase of people going to seek services.

I also think there’s going to be an increase of practitioners in the field. We’re going to need more practitioners who are Black, Brown, femme, queer, trans*, differently abled. So I’m hoping these conversations are followed up with some resources i.e. money, training programs, which encourages people to get into the field of mental health counseling, social work, psychology, psychiatry and continue working with our communities.

Switching gears a bit, let's shift our focus to politics. I'm not too sure if you heard but according to The Root (and other sources), Kamala Harris is coming forward with a mental healthcare plan which encompasses the termination of solitary confinement. Now, we've seen in movies like When They See Us about the Exonerated Five what solitary confinement and a crooked justice system can do to the mental wellbeing and emotional health of a young person of color. What're your thoughts on how criminal justice correlates with mental health?

I’ll admit - I didn’t see When They See Us. I couldn’t. Not that it wasn’t important, but I just wasn’t in the space. I don’t know when I will, but there’s a reason why the United Nations has classified solitary confinement as a form of torture. The damage it does to a full-grown adult is often times irreparable. So you can only imagine what kind of trauma is inflicted on a young, innocent child whose brain is not finished developing.

A lot of what this country defines as ‘criminal justice’ involves consistent psychological trauma. I can tell you right now my depression and anxiety increased dramatically while we were in the height of the Movement for Black Lives. The fact that Black folk tense up and heart rate accelerates when a police officer drives behind them is enough to note a collective harm being done to the psyche of Black people.

I can go on all day about the kind of psychological harm being done to people who have been incarcerated for years for non-violent offenses drug related offenses. They need help because they’re struggling with addiction but instead they are locked in a cage. What kind of trauma is inflicted upon a family being cut off from a loved one for how many months or years? I was reading an article about the exorbitant rates of prison phone calls - so you might not be able to afford to contact your loved ones.

Then, when folks are out on probation or parole and not knowing what action or inaction can send you back to jail. So there’s all of this residual harm and paranoia that not only affects the person but affects their family as well. It’s so insidious and it includes so much - the physical act of the police assaulting killing of a person, the surveillance, the constant police presence, the fear of someone you love being killed in a matter of seconds like a Tamir Rice or Aiyanna Stanley-Jones...it’s traumatizing.

In your Instagram bio, you have the hashtag saying, "The only way out is the way through" and that hits different when someone else says it because I say it to people all the time. People of color, especially Black people, feel as though we have to have this strong coat of armor around us to shield us from hurt and protect us from the dangers of emotions and feelings. However, we don't recognize that we need to feel through instead of push through. What does this phrase mean to you?

I push back against this idea that you’re supposed to wear your scars as badges of honor. I lean on Lora Mathis’ concept of radical softness: “the idea that unapologetically sharing your emotions is a political move and a way to combat the societal idea that feelings are a sign of weakness.” I find my work is the most impactful when I can express the full range of my emotions - that includes when I’m feeling vulnerable and depressed and anxious and scared.

As far as the #theonlywayoutisthrough, my mom drilled it into my head for years - you can’t run from your problems, you can’t BS yourself, you spend a lot of time with yourself. You know what it is that is bothering you so it means that you are capable of getting through this by directly confronting it. It was meaningful to me in the darkest periods of my life

Last month - November 23rd to be exact - was International Survivors of Suicide Day and I wanted to bring that to your attention because you yourself are a suicide survivor. Before we end this interview, what would you say to yourself if he were standing in front of you and reciting those dark thoughts that you had in your mind? How would you encourage him?

I would tell him that he is worthy. I would tell him I love him unconditionally and he has value and worth outside of the roles and positions he holds. I will tell him to be gentle with himself - things worth doing do not come quickly. I would also tell me it is OK to say no and you were not made to be anyone’s hero, savior, martyr or super Negro. I would tell him I love all the parts of him - the queer part, the androgynous part, the parts you want to make small, all of those things have brought us to where we are and they deserve love and light. Anyone who doesn’t like it...fuck that and fuck them.

Normalizing and Revolutionizing Conversations Revolving Around Healing While Black And Queer With Josh Odam