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“When we preconceive gender identity for young people, we develop toxic constraints for them…. We steal our children’s ability to embody a full range of emotions by gendering emotional expression.”
- Fred T. Joseph (Patriarchy Blues)

Hey folx,

Something unusual happened to me last week. I received a beautiful bouquet of flowers. The kind you see when passing by a flower shop and think, Aww, my partner would love those or I wish they would gift those to me. But I didn’t receive them from a romantic partner. And, they weren’t given to me because of a special occasion or a gift for recognizing my work. Instead, they were given to me by a dear friend, Gabby, who just thought I’d appreciate them. And she was right.

Flowers have long been revered as emblems of love, beauty, and sensitivity…but for women though. The romantic within me has always been familiar with the language of flowers. I have gifted them to romantic partners, friends, and family members to convey love or let them know they’re appreciated. So, when I was graced with a bouquet myself, it affirmed my right to be cherished, admired, and celebrated in ways that defy societal expectations.

At 40 years old, this tender offering was the first time that petals delicately caressed my fingertips. As a man, a Black man, our society enforces a rigid template of masculinity that I’m expected to adhere to. The impact sometimes compels me to abandon my softness and replace it with a façade, absent of vulnerability. Conforming to an image of masculinity devoid of tenderness ain’t where it’s at. Liberating ourselves from these oppressive constructs is the only path to embrace the full spectrum of our existence.

These flowers have stirred my soul. It’s a reminder of our capacity to break free from the confines of gendered norms and embrace our authentic selves. bell hooks comes to mind and how the notions of love, strength, and connection can be redefined. Men have carried the armor of stoicism long enough; it’s time for us to embrace the fullness of our emotions.

On Father’s Day, we honor the men in our lives with tenderness and compassion. Let us, nonetheless, remember the profound impact we possess—the power to shape the lives of the men in our proximity. We must create spaces where kindness and warmth aren’t luxuries but necessary components of their growth. Be the light that leads them to love and empathy in a world that actively seeks to diminish their capacity to love and be loved.

Challenge yourselves, this Father’s Day, to breakaway from gifting impersonal items (see: ties, tools, gadgets). Instead, seek out presents that exceed societal norms and resonate with the unique essence of the man you cherish. Whether that be a thought provoking book that sparks their intellectual curiosity, an art kit that prompts exploration into their self expression, or a weekend retreat that grants them the ability to reconnect with nature. However, if gift giving isn’t your forte, please gift them with your time, presence, genuine care, and maybe some flowers, too.

To our patrons, I extend my deepest gratitude for your continued support along this path of self-discovery. Your presence each month propels me toward uncharted territories of vulnerability and love. Territories I’d traditionally be afraid to venture but today have more courage to dive into headfirst. And it’s because of y’all.

Let’s continue uplifting one another, fostering a community where the transformative power of flowers is not confined by gender, where love defies limitations, and where men revel in the beauty that blossoms when they embrace vulnerability and authenticity.

Best,

t. (AHUS founder/member)