No Matter How Hard We Try

By Alex Free

Not all men are bad.

Not all men want to hurt women.

Not all men want to hurt you.

Not all men are out to get you.

Not all men will chase you down the street.

AND YET

The hotlines are never silent

The shelters are always full

We need more forensic nurses

We’re taught to watch what we wear

Red lipstick might be too provocative

Low-cut dresses might be asking for something

We’re taught to watch how we act

A smile may be considered an invitation

A flip of the hair may be considered consent

We’re taught to watch how we speak

Too loud and you’ll draw attention

Too flirty and you’re seeking advances

We’re taught so many things

To text our friends when we get home

To take a cab if we’ve been drinking

To hold our keys between our fingers

To not wear our hair in ponytails so we can’t be grabbed

To not wear headphones so we can be aware

To turn our heels into weapons

To also always bring flats

We’re told if we follow the rules

If we’re good girls

We’ll be safe

We’ll be protected

We’ll be okay

And that’s the lie

Because no matter how hard we try

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Alex Free (they/she) is a fierce mental health & social justice advocate who focuses on topics spanning intersectionality, reproductive health, disrupting rape culture, healing & trauma, identity, and dismantling white supremacy. They are a creator, storyteller, speaker, survivor leader, and yogi as well as an intersectional, trauma-informed facilitator of social justice and healing spaces. Alex speaks about their own journey as someone who lives with AuDHD, CPTSD, chronic pain, and other chronic illnesses and believes there is power in our stories. They are also a queer, non-binary femme who was displaced through trans-racial and trans-national adoption. Their hope is that each of us goes on the journey to decolonize our minds and our spaces so we can truly fight for collective liberation for all of us.