Yellow Fever: Why Aren’t We Talking About Asian Women’s Experiences?

The truth I wish my parents gave me. The truth I would go back in time to tell my younger self. The truth I need you to hear now.

The events in Atlanta left me feeling angry, gutted, heartbroken, and re-traumatized. I think back to every time someone told me they had a case of “yellow fever.”

I think about how that’s meant to be a compliment.

And how I used to smile awkwardly and say nothing.

And now how I feel emptiness and rage.

I am a transracial adoptee from South Korea raised in a white Jewish home. My parents did a “good job” introducing me to Korean foods and culture. But I don’t think they could have understood how critically I needed another kind of education and support. I needed to understand racism, sexism, and their violent intersection for many women of color for my protection and sanity.

Would knowing have protected me better? Likely no. But maybe it would have helped me feel less confused. Just maybe it would have made me feel less alone and more empowered to stand up for myself when things felt wrong.

The first time things felt wrong, I was in elementary school. People would pull “Asian” eyes at me or chase me around, talking in sing-song “Chinese” words. When I brought this up to the adults in my life, they said that little boys flirt by teasing and that it just meant they had a crush on me.

Sidenote: Why is it from a young age, girls are told that unwanted attention is a good thing? And why is the age-old advice to suck it up and take it?

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Alex Free (they/she) is a fierce mental health & social justice advocate who focuses on topics spanning intersectionality, reproductive health, disrupting rape culture, healing & trauma, identity, and dismantling white supremacy. They are a creator, storyteller, speaker, survivor leader, and yogi as well as an intersectional, trauma-informed facilitator of social justice and healing spaces. Alex speaks about their own journey as someone who lives with AuDHD, CPTSD, chronic pain, and other chronic illnesses and believes there is power in our stories. They are also a queer, non-binary femme who was displaced through trans-racial and trans-national adoption. Their hope is that each of us goes on the journey to decolonize our minds and our spaces so we can truly fight for collective liberation for all of us.

A note from the editor:

In a break from our typical cadence, this piece will be available to the public until May 1st, 2021. The stories of Asian fetishization, hatred and abuse are so rarely discussed, I feel that it deserves a boost of amplification and attention. To our other contributors and our patrons, whose work and support are vitally important to us and our community - thank you for understanding.