When the Monster is Down the Hall: Surviving Sexual Trauma in the Family

When children and minors are assaulted by the people they know and trust, the veil of silence too often smothers and abandons them. This author shares her personal experiences to impress the point - Black children must be believed.

Candis Y. McDow

Trigger Warning: This article contains details about sexual assault against a minor.

What happens when the evil stranger you’ve been taught to stay away from lives with you? What is the protocol when sexual assault happens at the hands of a family member? The Black community has some learning to do here. No one wants society’s input or judgment. But what about the child? Who will protect them when the monster in the closet sleeps in the next room?

Sexual assault by a family member in the Black community is a lot like leg amputation. The victim is paralyzed and forced to re-learn how to function with a newfound burden weighing them down. Even more paralyzing is the cloak of silence that tends to follow; Sadly, 80 percent of rapes and sexual assaults go unreported, according to a Justice Department analysis of violent crime in 2016. Often in Black homes, things remain hush-hush and silenced. Decades of ‘what happens in this house, stays in this house.’ A mixture of being silenced by parents and society is enough to drive anyone mad. Imagine hiding something so severe from everyone you know. It’s far worse than a bird in a cage. This kind of thinking and behavior helps predators feel invincible, like no one will step in to intervene, so they don’t have to change. On the other hand, the victim has no foundation to stand on. They are left to sink into quicksand as they try to deal with the trauma.

The National Center for Victims of Crime reports that 1 in 5 girls and 1 in twenty boys is a victim of child sexual abuse. And according to a 2003 National Institute of Justice report, 3 out of 4 adolescents are victims of sexual assault at the hands of someone they knew well. A study conducted in 1986 found that 63% of women who had suffered sexual abuse by a family member also reported a rape or attempted rape after 14.

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Candis Y. McDow is the author of Half the Battle available on Amazon. When she's not writing Candis likes to travel, shop, watch movies, attend concerts, and have car karaoke.