On Silence as a Weapon and Speaking When Spoken To

The workplace can be a minefield of triggers and challenges for people of color who were inherently raised to be small and silent in the name of survival. 

By Ruth Jean-Marie

I was at my first real job out of undergrad and at my first real review with my first real manager when I realized what initiative actually was.

My supervisor was surprised at the number of ideas I suddenly had because, as she noted, “everyone else” was overloading her inbox. My first response to this was what seemed to be obvious - she had never asked me for my ideas.

Many of us are taught to be invisible, to “be furniture” as Jamie Foxx once put it. These lessons were a tradition passed down to maintain survival--you wouldn’t want to attract unnecessary and oppressive attention. They were our parents’ peace of mind. After all, they’d endured arduous days and needed us to be still and quiet. These lessons were the maintenance of childhood, or what the elders thought childhood should look like because a child who inquired was a child who thought they were “too grown”. And a child that thought they were grown, had lost their innocence. While these lessons served to help us navigate domestic and community life, it had a consequence, one that works quietly to corrupt upward mobility.. I was taught to speak when spoken to and to never be an imposition. This silence, this cordiality was read by the world as disinterested.

It took years for me to pick that moment apart and realize how privilege found its way into every crevice of society including the workplace…

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Ruth Jean-Marie is a first-generation Haitian-American and an international development consultant. She founded The August Project to create education and growth opportunities in Haiti through philanthropic efforts and strategic partnerships. Her written work has been featured by Blavity and Travel Noire.